Saturday, August 6, 2011

Family Secrets

When I was young, I read a lot of books and watched many television programs and movies that were, in some form or another, within the supernatural genre. These things always fascinated me. I recall trying desperately to wiggle my nose like Samantha did, thinking that if I could master it  I would hear that little tinkle-dinkle-dink sound it made and I would gain my powers. (Settling for moving it manually, the way Tabitha did, did not work either.) I remember looking into my mother's green eyes as she tucked me into bed just knowing that one of those nights she would finally tell me that I was old enough to know the secret. I  knew deep down that she would soon let me know that we were magical people and that I was now old enough to learn how to accept and use my gifts. I daydreamed about this often. I didn't know exactly what kind of magic I would be inheriting. Maybe I had extreme psychic abilities that I would learn how to tap into, or maybe I would be told that we were witches (the good kind like the ones on Bewitched of course, not the green-faced, warty-nosed Halloween kind). Whatever kind it was, I was certain that magic was in my blood and I just needed to be patient and wait. Not long after my thirteenth birthday, I finally began to realize that maybe I was wrong because it surely would have been told to me by then. It devastated me to think that I was destined to be average.
I have read and been told many times that anyone can develop their psychic abilities (I gave up on being a witch. I want to be a real, I-can-snap-my-fingers-and-disappear kind of witch or not a witch at all). In order to develop the "third-eye",  all you have to do is cleanse your chakra, meditate and ask for guidance. Oh. OK! Well, the chakra thing is a little whacky, even to me, but I may or may not have tried to cleanse mine. Meditation is very difficult for someone who can't shut off her brain for more than five seconds (Yes, folks! I've been able to go blank for five seconds a few times. Maybe six...I don't know. This was extremely difficult and I have no idea how I could ever do better than that without a lobotomy, so round of applause please!). And the guide thing? I'm not saying they aren't out there, but if I have one I haven't noticed.
So,  I have finally truly accepted it, although I have to say I'm still disappointed and sad. I'm average. No magic. No future predictions. No seeing dead people. Average like everyone else. Blech. Dumb books and T.V. and movies for getting my hopes up. Dumb blind third eye. I would have used my gifts wisely. I would have used them for good and not evil. I would have made people happy and helped the poor and...Oh my gosh! My eye just started twitching! It's just my left eye, but it's twitching wildly right now. That's a sign, right? It's my chakra oozing out or my guide trying to tell me not to give up hope! Maybe it's not too late!  Maybe I'm just a late bloomer. I think I'll give Mom a call and see if there's anything she's forgotten to tell me.

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